Cocktails. Expectations. And good night.

Yes, I am here once more to get something off my chest… I have been drowned and overwhelmed in an unappetising cocktail of emotions over the past few days, from panic, to anxiety, to fear, to plain confusion.  And in these times, I turned to someone.  Actually I should rephrase that, I tried to turn to someone, but because they weren’t there in the way I expected them to be, I wasn’t actually turning to anything… enter disappointment!  Like I needed another bloody thing to deal with!  Here’s the s.h.i.t. thing about expectations, 99.9999999999999% of the time it’ll lead to disappointment and you’ll fall flat on your face which will just send you on a downward spiral (after having taken away your brakes of course!)

So I say this to you, money isn’t the root of all evil, having expectations (of the wrong people) is!

And good night.

Thought of the day 5/2 – define “heart”

What matters more than where you are, is who you’re with.  You can be on the most beautiful and lush place on the planet and still not enjoy it as much as you would because that special someone isn’t there.  And this doesn’t just apply to where you are physically, but also where you are in life, maybe even on an emotional level; sometimes it feels like happiness cannot be complete without certain people.  The people that you want to share all the moments of your life with, whether the moment is special or not, but it makes a world of a difference.

It is repeated often that home is where the heart is, I’m not really the biggest supporter of that statement because how do you define your “heart”?  Is it your parents, your partner, your siblings, your friends, maybe even your career?  What if all the most important things/people to you are scattered around the world?  Who/what really makes a place a home for you?  How do you then pick one over the other and say that it is this that makes a place a home for you, and thereby defining your heart in one aspect?

Gratitude sets your attitude

The majority of us are guilty of one thing, and we do it without even realising or feeling it, and we do it so often with so many things and so many people.  Whether we mean to or not, we take things for granted.  

In my opinion, the most dangerous thing about it is that, as much as we are oblivious to what we are doing, as obvious as it is to those around us.  And it is most common/obvious in relationships; and it is an awful feeling, having to accept from your other half what you shouldn’t have to accept from anyone, just because they know you will, just because they think you will always put up with it; the feeling that your love and tolerance is being taken for granted, and they don’t really notice what they’re doing until you’ve packed up (emotionally if not physically too) and left.

And that’s the sad thing, that we only realise what we’re doing when it’s too late, when it’s gone.  We only realise what we’ve been doing/how precious what we had was when we lose some of our health, wealth, or when a loved one walks away.  We only begin to appreciate it once it no longer belongs to us.  Ask yourself, when was the last time I showed true appreciation for my family, or my friends?  When there are SO many people out there that are so lonely and crave even just a 5-minute heart-to-heart conversation.  Or your partner, who probably puts up with enough of your crap to last them a lifetime.  And when was the last time you showed appreciation for your health and well being?   Or even your job!  So many people are too busy complaining about their jobs when thousands upon thousands are unemployed and would do anything for a days’ work.

Even our five basic senses are the greatest of gifts, imagine having to spend even one day without one of them.  These are all blessings that we take for granted, and some of these blessings have just been given to us without even having to work for it.  So, take a moment, think about all the people and things in your life and be really thankful for them all.  Show some appreciation.

Call your parents, tell your friends how awesome you think they really are, surprise your partner with something special; take some time to think of all the things you do have instead of what you don’t have, and BE GRATEFUL.

What about all the Grey? It’s Rumi’s field.

“Out beyond ideas
of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field.
I will meet you there.”

– Jalaluddin Rumi, 13th century

Afterthought:

We go on about right and wrong like it is so clear cut and well defined. Obviously, some things are obviously right and others are obviously wrong, but in between those is a massive grey area, where rightness and wrongness overlap; where our opinions, experiences, cultures, and upbringing (just to name a few) define what is right and wrong. What I might find acceptable, others may not; and vice versa.

So how do we deal with a situation that we feel is very Black & White? We don’t. We meet in Rumi’s field, which is beyond this standardisation, and we sort it out there. The point is to make an attempt to understand where the other person is coming from before slotting them in to the Black or the White by default, just because what they’ve said/done does not comply with our frame of mind.

I’ve got TWO F words for you!

Forgive & Forget

There are two types of people in this world, those who forgive and forget, and those who forgive but don’t forget.

I think the term “forgive and forget” is used lightly, and it shouldn’t be, because it’s not something that’s universal and can be applied to every scenario. Some things are hard to forgive and even harder to forget. It’s like saying that any wound will heal and leave no marks or scars, which is not the case; some wounds leave you scarred for life. So while the notion of forgiving and forgetting is the more socially admired one, it’s not always do-able.

But, keep and open mind and an even more open heart; some people genuinely don’t mean to hurt you, and at the end of the day, we all make mistakes. So use your better judgment and act accordingly.

C.H.A.N.G.E.S

Throughout my “adult” life I’ve had a pretty good idea about where life is taking me, where I’m heading, and what I’m doing.

Ever since I was 16, I’ve pretty much had a clear vision about how imagined things would turn out (academically and career wise anyway), I’ve had a few setbacks and my academic plans have changed, resulting in my career plans changing. And it’s okay, because it’s not like they changed for the worse, they simply just changed.

I am not resistant to change, and really we shouldn’t be, because:

1. Nothing lasts forever

2. We don’t always get what we want in the first place

However, I’m used to having different aspects of my life neatly divided and separated into compartments; my family, fiancé, friends, studies, work etc. each have their own compartment, but over the past few months it’s almost like someone has emptied all these compartments in to a big box and shook the hell out of it! *panic attack*

And because everything at the moment seems a little messy to me, I’m getting a bit overwhelmed (in the least Drama Queen way possible, I hope!); and the events that are due to happen in my life will result in changes that I look forward to and am excited about, but at the same time, scared of.

Although I am blessed enough to say that I am surrounded and supported by those who love me, for some reason I’m finding it difficult to get any one of them to really understand what I’m going through. Thankfully, I’m not exactly going through something really hard or traumatic. And obviously, change isn’t always negative, but just the fact that it is a change or transition of some sort makes it difficult to some extent, and any difficulty takes its toll mentally and emotionally.

And although you may have at least one person that you can rely on no matter what, but sometimes even that person doesn’t fully understand. Despite everything, change is inevitable; and when you’re dealt a hand, you just keep playing, even when it feels like the cards are constantly being shuffled and the ones you’re holding keep changing beyond your control.

What would it matter?

If you’ve read my previous post, you’ll know that I’ve just finished reading a book called The Forty Rules of Love and there’s a line in it that has been stuck in my head ever since I read it, so here it is…

“If the whole world were swallowed by the sea, what would it matter to a duck?”

I think it’s brilliant! So I just wanted to share it 🙂